JARVIS, drop my needle.
Do we have a duck now

Not The Expected Results



[[ daughterofthebillionaire ]]

Tony took a seat on one of his workbenches, holding an ice pack on his shoulder as he watched the footage from their latest battle.

"Pause. Magnify lower quadrant 75%. Slow the playback," he murmured and then groaned. He’d managed to dislocate his shoulder during their little spat with several dozen grossly oversized chihuahuas with speed and super strength on their side. To be fair, he’d analyzed the situation and determined the best course of action, but as Cap so often liked to point out, the team would benefit from the knowledge of these game changing plans. Whatever.

He totally knew what he was doing.

Until one of those vicious yippers of peril and doom chomped down hard on his arm and jerked him backwards, treating Tony as nothing more than a chew toy that needed to be thoroughly destroyed because the monster dog found him to be as offensive as one of those rope things dogs love so much. So yeah, his shoulder was in bad shape but one of Fury’s medical team took great joy in making the genius holler in pain when they pulled it back in place. He was going to make sure and hack the nearest helicarrier to play Badger Badger Badger on a nonstop loop every time someone flushed a toilet or turned on a sink or used a shower.

So he pretty much hurt everywhere, but his shoulder just stood out among the rest. This superhero thing never stopped being awesome.

He leaned in closer to get a better look at the screen. “If I reinforce these joints too much I won’t have much mobility which would defeat the purpose of this suit in the first place. Perhaps I should attach a mechanism that automatically blasts the next thing that tries to eat me with repulsor energy or at least something very foul tasting.”

Perhaps you might benefit from some rest before making changes as you might regret those choices later on, sir.

Tony just waved a hand dismissively. “What? And miss my next golden opportunity to dazzle the rest of the team with a creation that can only come from a man with severe sleep deprivation? I think not.”

Of course, sir. What was I thinking?" was JARVIS’ extremely passive aggressive reply.

Tony clicked his tongue and moved the feed back just a few seconds to see everything again when he was thrown off by a crash.

"What the…?" He stood up and dropped the ice pack and quickly made his way toward several shelves that were sent to the ground by some unknown force.

Scans indicate a human female collided with your shelves from an area I am unable to detect.

"What?" He reached the unconscious female and blinked. "There’s a girl on my floor. JARVIS, I don’t know who this girl is."

The force that sent her across the room disappeared just as quickly as it showed up.

The genius knelt down to get a closer look, pushing her hair from her face. He prodded at her shoulder, not sure if it was actually safe to move her since he didn’t know the nature of her injuries or if she was just faking and ready to pounce in which case he should have put the armor on but it was too late now.

"Something about her seems familiar. Have I met her before?"

Her face does not show up in any known database on my servers.

He patted the side of her face, gently shook her shoulder. “JARVIS, get an ambulance here. Pronto.”

What was that about an ambulance?

Leighton groaned, her body feeling at least four times heavier than it was. She could barely feel anything other than the shooting pain traveling down her right arm and side and the throbbing pain in her head. She went to raise her left hand and found that she could, lifting it to her forehead. She ran her palm down her face, groaning again. She didn’t dislike being the test subject sometimes.

She just hated when she was the test subjects on experiments gone wrong.

But, no, seriously, what was that about an ambulance?

Her dad knew she hated hospitals. One of her fears was needles being put into her body incorrectly and having to be stabbed numerous times, more times than necessary. Why would he even joke like that? And Tony knew that if Pepper came home and found that he and Leigh were in the hospital because she got hurt during an experiment, Pepper would have their butts served on silver platters as a delicacy the next time aliens came to visit.

No. Hospital was a no go.

"Dad," she coughed. "Seriously, there is no need for an ambulance." Placing her right hand on to his wrist, she gently pushed at his arm to have him release her and attempted to set up with her left arm supporting her weight. That wasn’t her best idea.

The pain quickly caused her to drop back down the few inches she had gone up, her face grimacing. “JARVIS, belay that ambulance. I’m fine.”

Using her right hand to push herself up and out of her father’s grasp, Leighton opened her eyes and gingerly held up her injured hand. Glad to see no obvious breaks, she looked over to her father and smiled. “See? Totally fine.” she said in a very confident way, lifting her hand as softly as she could without the pain showing in her face. “I’m not breakable.”

Upon hearing her groan, Tony quickly moved back a couple of paces, his arms stretched out helplessly as he tried to assess her injuries on his own. He eyed the damage done to his shelves and envisioned the force of impact, knowing that steel and bone should never collide so harshly. With a sigh, he reached out to touch her arm because she looked like she was struggling a bit and then stopped. And blinked. And blinked some more.

"What? What?" He paused and tried to find the words. "What?" Thanks for the help genius brain.

Despite her protests and the fact that she just gave JARVIS an order, and acted like she knew him familiarly, he still did what he could to help her.

"JARVIS, don’t listen to this woman. She is apparently suffering from a serious traumatic head injury. She just called me dad." And then his eyes widened in horror. "Oh god. What if this is like a baby duck thing and she imprinted on me because I’m the first face she saw?"

"Sir, while entertaining to think about, I do not believe that is the case."

"Well what bright ideas do you have then? Because she called me dad and that is the only logical explanation I can think of."

The AI stayed silent for a moment. "Clearly you are correct and there is no other scientific explanation possible whatsoever. My mistake."

"Tone down the bitchiness, J." He looked at the girl again. "Can you tell me what year it is? Who is president? How many fingers am I holding up?" As an afterthought he held up four. "Also, what’s your name?"


will you two make out already 


will you two make out already 


Iron Man 3 AU: Steve comes to his husband’s rescue


I dedicate this cards against humanity selection to littlemoongoddess
Also: the guy who played it is honestly named “Steve Rogers”


I dedicate this cards against humanity selection to littlemoongoddess

Also: the guy who played it is honestly named “Steve Rogers”

Steve’s face :-0!!


Steve’s face :-0!!


:3 My OTP!


:3 My OTP!

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